A young man runs down a hallway, turns the corner and runs into a disgruntled girl who brushes him off with a disdainful look. He continues on running and goes up some stairs, him going off screen up the stairs, transitioning into a flashback.
The flashback has the young man, say his name is LIAM, talking with one of his friends. The audience cannot hear their conversation, but they can see a change from a harmonious relationship to a bit of tension. LIAM turns away from his friends, transitioning into him running again.
LIAM continues on running, passing one of the friends in the previous flashback who told the other friend the the "conflict", who says "Isn't it a bit too late?...stupid", transitioning into a flashback where he is in an argument with his friend, and that friend walks away, saying in an echo voice, "I didn't think you would do that"
He turns the corner into the PARKING LOT, only to see his friend's car go away
LIAM says, "It was all a misunderstanding, but she never stopped to listen"
The End
Yeah, its not really any good; I tried to develop the concept, but I could not materialize it very well. Having a more profound-ish plot than this would probably be almost impossible in the amount of time we have for the video, and this plot is sort of shallow at the moment. I'll check out what others have to get some ideas maybe.
i think this could develop into a pretty good idea, but i think its not clarified enough. The whole "conflict" thing is a little vague, and confusing. The main character needs more background I think, like is he a good guy or a bad guy? is he brave or a coward? and who is "she"? i like the mysterious element you have in this but i think it leaves the viewer questioning a little bit too much, some answers need to be solved, ya know? I like what you did with the fading out of the conversation, i think that could be a pretty intense moment, especially with some music thread into it. I think it overall has some good elements but it needs a little more development in the plot
ReplyDeleteNice use of flashback except wasn't so clear on the storyline and plot. Develop it more but i think it can turn into a good story. The ending should include more details about the girl and the misunderstanding. The main character should be developed more so we could get a sense of his personality and why he did what he did.
ReplyDeleteI concur with the two Crystals, the story is indeed nice, but could use some fleshing out. Somewhere along the line, you'll need to place a special emphasis on an event or item within the film, something like a symbol. In this way, you could bring about greater meaning between the audience, the characters, and their surroundings.
ReplyDeleteIt's okay to have a simple plot, but it's much more important to ensure that your plot isn't cliche, lest your movie end up part of a diamond dozen. What will you do to make Liam and the girl unique, dynamic characters?
I like the sense of mystery you give in the treatment, but it could use a little more clarity is all. You got something, run with it!!!
Jasmine, I must, say the script sounds very dramatic and full of tension, but needs a little more clarity in the developement of the plot. Don't worry though you really don't have to do that much at all, maybe describe Liam a little more, give a little more context. Overall, the treatment seems like it will be very interesting to watch.
ReplyDeleteI like the concept and what could be possible with it, but there needs to be an actual conflict, climax, resolution. What im trying to say, is there needs to be more of a plot and for it to be more developed and creative. I think maybe you could try to incorporate this concept with an idea such as military, or schooling. Maybe the kid will be going off to a better school, or will be moving since his parents are in the military? It might be something creative to mess around with, good luck though.
ReplyDeleteYeah I got kinda confused when you incorporated the flashbacks but I guess I can't visualize it right now so I apologize. What I think this could use, some political or government involvement because I really think you're a smart girl that could do the research about a specific government issue and incorporate it into this story to make it even more racy. Also I think running is cliche, but that's just my opinion.
ReplyDeletei agree with nellie... the running is a little played out. maybe you can have an internal conflict going on and the character could be pacing and reaching for the door. also, there could be more background information to get the audience to understand.
ReplyDeleteI know this is a little late, but I agree with the Crystals as well, I think it could develop into a very unique plot but it needs a little more meat. the conflict and climactic moment need to be more developed, and once that is done I think it would kick ass. :)
ReplyDelete